It’s close to 1am over here in Central time. And I felt it was time I cleaned out my E-mail Inbox. I had 251 “marked as unread” E-mails in my Outlook. All these E-mails were from just one night before Eddie had passed away to about a couple of weeks after I got back to Chicago. About half of them were spam and about a third of them was unrelated E-mails from friends. The rest were condolences.
I’m not sure why it has taken me this long to clean out my inbox. It always kind of irritated me that the inbox would indicate that I had new E-mail; when in reality it only contained E-mails from about a year ago. I guess I just didn’t want to deal with it. I didn’t want to go back to that period of time in any way or sense. However, I felt it was time to do it tonight.
The best I could do was delete the spam and mark the non-condolence E-mails as read. As I write this journal entry, I only re-read one of the condolence E-mails. This one was forwarded to me by Danny from his friend who went through a similar situation, but from a mother’s point of view.
In her E-mail she states, “Seeing Michael’s friends is bittersweet. I love seeing them and hearing about their families, but hate it because of what Michael will never experience. But the fact that his friends loved him so much and still do makes me proud and trumps not seeing them at all.” And I have to agree with her. By no means do I hate seeing any of you, but her last line really hit close to home. I’m really thankful that Eddie was able to touch each and every one of us and I’m also very ecstatic that you (and hopefully many more) have joined this tribute to him.
She also attaches a couple of poems that I would like to share with you all as well:
A love song – Author unknown
The mention of my child’s name
May bring tears to my eyes
But it never fails to bring
Music to my ears.
If you really are my friend
Please don’t keep me
From hearing the beautiful music
It soothes my broken heart
And fills my soul with love
I’d rather be ashes than dust – By Jack London
I’d rather be ashes than dust.
I would rather my spark burn out in a brilliant blaze than it shall be stifled by dry rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every ebb of me a magnificent glow than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The proper function of man is to live, not exist.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.
Thank you all again for your time. There are still about 20 more E-mails that are marked unread, but I think I’ll let them sit in there a bit longer.