Two-Years and a mo(u)rning

It’s 2:30 in the morning in Chicago right now and I stupidly decided to have a caffinated drink before going to bed – I just had a craving for it.  And so, I figured it’d be better for me to make a post and reflect on my recent visit to Boston, rather than tossing and turning in bed.

So, it’s been a little over a couple of hours since the two year anniversary of Eddie’s passing.  I was able to make it out to see Eddie yesterday (it was a beautiful day as it usually is whenever I go to visit him), where I spent my time cleaning around his area and telling him all the thoughts that would pop into my mind.  I believe he can comprehend the things I write about and speak aloud, but also the thoughts in my head.

It’s never difficult for me to want to go and see Eddie at any moment.  I cherish the time I actually get to be where he lays.  Even though I know he’s always around the ones he cares about/care for him, it brings a different level of solace visitng where he physically rests.  Today was no different.

As I was nearing the end of my visit with Eddie, I couldn’t help but step back and absorb the view before me.  I was in a cemetary with Eddie’s tombstone directly in front of me and others laid aside of him.  The emotion that had befallen onto me for a brief moment was acceptance of what’s happened two years ago through now.  I believe acceptance of what’s occured used to scare me, because I thought it would mean the end of my strength to stay put together, but I realize it doesn’t mean that at all.  Though I can’t say I fully (or even majorly) accept these events, I know it doesn’t mean the end.

As I stated during Eddie’s wake two years ago, “my ambition, my motivation, and my success will all be in the name of Eddie.”  I don’t forsee myself steering away from this path.

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