You know, I think a good amount of people have a tendancy to be hesitant when they’re about to create an online memorial or make a post simply because they don’t know if this is the “best” method of immortalizing your loved one.
I even second think my posts at times simply because the memories I have feel so personal and dear to me that I wouldn’t want anyone else but Eddie and I to know about them. And then I realize that that mentality is understandable and all, but ultimately, your memories will always be yours whether you share them with others or not. When you do decide to share them though, I believe allows others to know your loved one (in my case, Eddie) in a different facet. That’s just another way of ensuring he gets immortalized forever.
Don’t get me wrong, there certainly are memories I keep to myself or write a personal note to Eddie about. However, the ones I do share, I believe in a way, can only help sustain Eddie’s existence in our world.
Since Eddie’s passing, there are two dates that tend to motivate me to be more productive. Those dates are April 7th (his birthday) and November 27th (the day he passed away). Most people tend to use either their own birthdays or New Years Day to jump start their productivity, but I choose these days because I want to be able to keep my promise to Eddie and continue to make him proud.
So, with April 7th approaching all too soon, I want to make people aware that I have been setting up new projects for myself and expect to see improvements to this site as well.
It’s 2:30 in the morning in Chicago right now and I stupidly decided to have a caffinated drink before going to bed – I just had a craving for it. And so, I figured it’d be better for me to make a post and reflect on my recent visit to Boston, rather than tossing and turning in bed.
So, it’s been a little over a couple of hours since the two year anniversary of Eddie’s passing. I was able to make it out to see Eddie yesterday (it was a beautiful day as it usually is whenever I go to visit him), where I spent my time cleaning around his area and telling him all the thoughts that would pop into my mind. I believe he can comprehend the things I write about and speak aloud, but also the thoughts in my head.
It’s never difficult for me to want to go and see Eddie at any moment. I cherish the time I actually get to be where he lays. Even though I know he’s always around the ones he cares about/care for him, it brings a different level of solace visitng where he physically rests. Today was no different.
As I was nearing the end of my visit with Eddie, I couldn’t help but step back and absorb the view before me. I was in a cemetary with Eddie’s tombstone directly in front of me and others laid aside of him. The emotion that had befallen onto me for a brief moment was acceptance of what’s happened two years ago through now. I believe acceptance of what’s occured used to scare me, because I thought it would mean the end of my strength to stay put together, but I realize it doesn’t mean that at all. Though I can’t say I fully (or even majorly) accept these events, I know it doesn’t mean the end.
As I stated during Eddie’s wake two years ago, “my ambition, my motivation, and my success will all be in the name of Eddie.” I don’t forsee myself steering away from this path.
Another holiday has come by and another one is just around the corner. I know it can’t be helped but to think about the loved ones we’ve lost during this time (any time, really). This year when my family gathered at my parent’s home it was all too easy to see the reminiscent images of my own brother running around the house through the years. Though the images brought some heartache to myself, ultimately I’m happy I have them and can share them with those around me now.
i implore each and every visitor of this site to do the same. Please allow your loved one to be immortalized here.
Warm Tribute is about to reach it’s one-year anniversary on November 27, 2007. It’s been a very good year and Warm Tribute is progressing at a steady pace. Throughout the year I have received testimonials from users of this site on how beneficial they feel it is for them. I truly never expected any kind of feedback such as that, but it truly warms my heart to hear it. When I first conceived the idea of Warm Tribute, it was mainly aimed at helping my family, Eddie‘s friends, and myself. I’m really happy to know it’s been worthwhile for some of you out there as well.
Thank you so much for all your support.
I don’t believe Eddie and I called each other on a regular basis. It was typically whenever either one of us felt it was time to simply catch up, or to find out details of the holidays that were coming up. However, there were periods where we would call each other a few times a week just to chat and see what’s new.
Typically, it would be me calling him multiple times a week attempting to get a hold of him, leave a message, wait for a call back, never receive one, and me having to call and leave a message again. I don’t believe anyone would deny Eddie was a busy person, whether it was for work or to be with friends, so I understood his actions.
Occassionally, I find myself sitting in front of my laptop at home and looking over to my right, where the LCD picture frame Danny got me rotates photos of Eddie, and it dawns on me that I can’t simply call Eddie to catch up anymore. Even now, after writing that last line, I had to take a pause and let reality set in. It’s obviously never easy, but some way and some how I’m sure he knows what’s happening in my life, from the mostly mundane to the exciting.
The subject may sound a bit misleading. This entry has nothing to do with the new Apple iPhone, but what it represents. Though this phone has its flaws and overlooked features, everyone agrees that it’s truly innovative and in my opinion will most likely become better with future generations. But I digress.
The iPhone is so innovative that I can’t help but think about what Danny has mentioned to me before… Eddie will not be around to see these new technological advances. I don’t even think the final product design was available while Eddie was in the hospital. Sometimes it’s difficult to accept that the world doesn’t stop for a single person. No matter how true that may be, I enjoy knowing that with my memories and my thoughts I can, in some way, keep Eddie’s presence moving forward as well.
One thing I know for sure is that Eddie would be very excited for the iPhone’s release. He probably wouldn’t wait in line for it though, nor buy the first generation – unless it was a great deal.
I never really took into consideration the emotional effect(s) the above quote expresses until Eddie passed away. I would hear this being said by a few acquaintences, but mostly dialogue on television shows/movies. When it was spoken I remember not thinking much of it, but just taking it as a part of a story and simply not very seriously.
It’s interesting that now, when I hear/read this line, it brings me immediately to the thoughts of Eddie and now I can’t help but simply agree and feel compassion for others who have experienced such a loss.
There truly isn’t a day that goes by where Eddie isn’t in my thoughts. I guess that’s all part of coping and it helps me feel like he’s still close, even if by a small degree.
A lot of times I’m sitting at home or in my office and I terribly want to write an entry into this online journal, but I just don’t know what to say. Do I say something about Eddie? Do I talk about my day? Do I just post random rubbish that crosses my mind? And ultimately, I come back to the former. This tribute, this entire site really, was created for Eddie and I felt as though I should be compelled to only write entries that are related to him.
Though I have a numerous thoughts about Eddie throughout the day, I can’t seem to express them well enough in words and so that leads me to not post anything at all. So I thought about it some more. Is it better to write something than nothing? And I finally figured that, yes, it is. My problem has been straigntening out the thoughts in my head, ranging from the mundane to thoughts about Eddie. And so as i slowly release the mundane topics out of my mind, perhaps I can then put the feelings/memories of Eddie into words once again.
Writing is therapeutic…