I remember my last recreational trip to Boston when Eddie was still around. I was in the airport waiting for my flight to board. I got some McDonald's food and sat in one of the chairs. As I sat I received a call on my cell phone, it was Eddie. He wanted to let me know that he was back in the hospital because the doctors noticed a rise in white blood cells and had to stay a few nights for observation. He told me that he had already been in the hospital for about a day up to that point, but was not able to call me until then.
I was anxious to see Eddie, hang out with him at the bars, and eat our "traditional" lobster meal during my time there. When he told me that he was in the hospital again I felt bothered that my plans weren't going as well as I would have liked. And so even though I had no intention of backing out from the trip, I asked him annoyed, "so do you still want me to come to Boston?" And his response was a meek "yes, please".
I didn't think anything of it then, but as I occassionally think about it now... my heart aches. I can't believe how selfish I was being and how Eddie had to say "please" to me as though he had to be submissive to get me to visit him. Throughout my life I have and will look up to him. I regret having treated him that way.
If only I could have that moment back... but ultimately I know he knows I love him and he loves me back. You just can't help but feel like doing things differently though as that's natural.