Dear nealann, So much of the time I just can't believe your gone! It's been three weeks already, three very slow tortorted weeks. Some days are good, those are the days I only cry once or twice, others I can't seem to stop. I've finally been able to separate out the sadness I feel because of M's anger, and the betrayal I felt because of D. so Now When I cry I at least know why. I've been going to meetings, well to be honest three, but I'm going to keep going to the NA meeting and I think I'll try the eight pm AA meeting. I need a sponser and some guys at the last meeting said I could find on at the AA Meeting. I'm writting a fourth step. I am so sorry that I kikn't do this so that you would know I'm doing better. I guess when the shit hits the fan like it has for me, it really hits. I love you and miss you so much. J said he was sure you got my last message, so the last words you heard my say was that I loved you more than anything.