A Tribute to Tommy Fung Tai Au

Happy Birthday, Dad!!!

As the days of your passing continue on, strangely, I feel I have come to understand you better.  You were a quiet man, not because you didn't want to share but because you didn't want to be a burden to those around you.  I wish I could have understood that while you were still with us because I would have tried harder to reassure you that you did not have to handle things alone.  Whether in this world or the next, we will always be family and looking out for each other no matter what.

I love you,
Fleming

This past Monday April 4 has been one year since our dad passed away. That date landed on Easter Sunday in 2010. Easter is to commemorate the resurrection of Jesus but for me and my family it was the day dad left this world peacefully in his rocking chair at home. I think everyone would agree that passing away quickly without much pain is the ideal way when it's their turn to go. In addition to being a holy day for those in the Christian world it was also the day when my mom and I arrived back from Boston after paying our respect to my brother Eddie who is buried there. He passed away on November 27, 2005. Having come back from griefing for one loved one and then dealing with the drama and loss of another in the family was like a bad hallucination. You're in a daze and you can't believe this is happening to me, to my mother, and to my youngest brother. Everything was in a tailspin with trying to revive him, dealing with paramedics and police, the emergency room, confirmation of his death and finally spending quiet moments with him in the curtained off room in the trauma unit. It was a like an episode in a soap opera. There are times when I'm alone and my thoughts are deep they would trail to my dad and to my brother Eddie and how they are no longer with us. It's still unbelievable. Other thoughts are would I see them again and how much smaller our former family of five has become and that we three need to strengthen our ties even more by being there for each other and making sure all is well. The pain of losing a loved one never goes away instead you gradually adjust your life around it in order to move on.

Dad, we love you and miss your presence. Just as I tell Eddie in my quiet time home is where the heart is so dad you know you are never closed off from us. Oh, please give Eddie a big hug for us it's his birthday tomorrow!

Today, as we had brunch in honor of our dad on Father's Day, an interesting memory came up as a topic of conversation amongst the table.  The topic was regarding when the last time our mom went back to Hong Kong.  Our mom said it was just about a year ago, around July 4th.  Danny and I were surprised, but later realized it to be accurate.  She had gone alone to pay respects to her mother (our grandmother) who passed away and to complete her application for a Hong Kong residents identification card.

As that discussion came to a close, I quickly remembered having to pick my mom up from the airport when she landed back in Chicago.  The reason I remember it wasn't simply because of the purpose of my mom's trip, but because of what my dad had done.  It was agreed amongst the family that I would pick up my mom.  However, on the day of her arrival, we found out that our dad had taken the train to meet up and pick up our mom as well.  This led to some frustration because we already agreed on plans, I already arrived at the airport, and we now had to wait to find our father.

During all this frustration, it was easy to miss the heartfelt gesture our dad was trying to get across to our mom and all of us.  He loved her and he wanted to be there when she arrived to make sure she was safe.  And ultimately, though he didn't show our mom this kind of emotion openly, he wanted to see her because it made him happy. 

There was actually one other time this happened as well.  It involved my mom, Danny, and myself landing in the airport and as we walked towards the Blue Line platform, Danny asked, "is that dad??"and it was.  I don't remember the full details, but it's a very fond memory to reinforce how much our dad really cared about his family.

Happy Father's Day, Baba...

Pop,

Just want to wish you a happy 73rd birthday wherever you are. Hope you are fine and traveling to places you've wanted to visited during your life here.

Love,

- D

 The following are snippets from a eulogy given by a close family friend which really sums up who our dad was as a person.

• He was not highly-educated but he was a learned man with a love for classical Chinese literature. Those of you who knew him can remember how he enjoyed spending hours at the library. And he left behind examples of his own writing that now are family treasures.

• With his sons, and with just about everyone he met, Tommy took people as they were. He did not judge others, and he expected that others would not--should not--judge him. He was who he was, without false bravado and without shame, and this gave him honesty and independence that few of us possess. He was not a man concerned with appearances. And if he sometimes missed occasions to make a fuss over others, in return he did not expect a fuss to be made over him. Still, his smile showed his appreciation, and his unspoken gestures--perhaps preparing a special dish in the kitchen--showed how much he cared.

• Let us remember Tommy Au as a family man, as a son, a brother, an uncle, a cousin and most of all as a responsible and devoted husband and father--a good man, a kind man--and as we hold him in our hearts and memories, he can remind us of who and what we should treasure most.