Warm Tribute Online Memorial Articles

This isn't an easy article to write, simply because it's pretty personal. But I've learned that in order to help others who are coping with the loss of a loved one, I need to be more open. So, with that, I want to admit that a few months after my brother, Eddie Au, had passed I decided to seek some counseling.

Now, I wasn't at a stage of severe depression nor feeling like I was losing my mind. What I was feeling, with no better way to put it was, cloudy. I noticed I would want to sleep more, wasn't as excitable, less motivated to exercise, and felt like I wasn't processing thoughts as quickly as I once did. Ultimately, I knew I wasn't being myself and I hated it.

I was extremely hesitant about going for bereavement counseling because of all the negative connotations that seem to follow it. But in the end, it came down to me wanting to become better and stronger. And I'll tell you this now, when I have told people that I've gone, they don't look at me with pity nor shock. It just makes sense. Let's be honest, a majority of the population would probably do a lot better with some form of counseling =).

I want to make it clear that my family and friends were available to me. However, I must say, that there's something different about talking to a person whom you know are binded by law to keep everything you say to them private. And since the company I worked for provided insurance coverage for counseling, I figured it couldn't hurt to at least try.

After the first session, I continued going weekly for just over a year. I realized that each visit helped because it provided me an outlet to talk about what I was going through, even though a few visits felt repetitive and uneventful.

I believe a lot of people sink into depression because they feel they're alone in the matter and that nobody cares about what they're going through. And that's the biggest mistake they make. You need to open up!. If you don't have the means to seek professional counseling, then at least talk to family, friends, or join a grief counseling forum to tell your story.

People experience the loss of a loved one every single day. Each person may experience it differently, but you should know that you're not alone. And there is no shame in asking for some help every now and then.

Consoling A Parent After Losing A Child

When Eddie passed away, it created a huge shift in my world. There is no possibility of it returning to its original state, but as the years passed, a new form of normalcy has emerged. The same goes for my remaining surviving family members, especially my mom.

As the days and weeks passed, people would ask me how I was doing. Ultimately, the best answer I could come up with was, "I'm doing… okay." They would then proceed to ask how my family was doing, which I could only say, "we're there for each other, but I'm most concerned about my mom." Eddie is my brother, but more importantly he is our mom's son. And I have no doubt losing a child is one of the toughest struggles any parent can face.

I want it known that my mom is the strongest woman I have ever met. Honestly, her life should be published into a book. I can only hope that I become half as strong as she has always been. Because of this it was a surreal experience for me to see her hurting so deeply and frequently.

Immediately after Eddie's passing, it seemed as though any incident or object would be able to ignite a memory of Eddie for her and cause her to cry. I would stand beside her, hold her, and tell her I understood how she was feeling. I did all this without shedding a tear. Though the pain in my heart was deep, I wasn't able to even force a tear drop. This tends to be my natural response in situations when others around me are hurting. I always feel the need to display a strong exterior. Overall, my presence helped to lessen my mom's pain, but I'm not sure if it was substantial.

On the other hand, I believe my oldest brother, Danny, was much better at consoling her than I was. Why's that? Well, he wouldn't only hold her and empathize, but he was able to display how much it was hurting him too. I think this really helped my mom because it helped her understand that she's truly not alone in the way she felt. Sharing of their thoughts and simply being open to being vulnerable with one another is powerful medicine. Another possibility is that seeing her son hurting probably kicked in some maternal instincts. This then caused a symbiotic relationship between the two, where both of them ended up helping each other out of this depressed state.

After my mom and brother finished pouring out their emotions to one another, there was a noticeable calmness in the air. Though, ever-so brief, it made life feel a little more bearable. Even for myself.

The deep sadness of losing Eddie still resurfaces every now and then, but through the years I think my family and I have learned to better help each other and cope. It has strengthened our bond and even taught us to be more tolerant/open-minded.

Though there is no sure-fire guide to consoling a parent after losing a child, I hope my experience can shed some light on how you as a family member, friend, or simply anyone who cares enough to help can approach a similar situation. And if you're the one facing a loss, I want you to understand that you're not alone. The best thing any of us can do is to survive for our loved ones who have passed and continually love the ones who are still with us.

During the early stages of mourning it may be very difficult to muster up the energy to want to get out of your home. In fact, it's hard enough just to get out of bed at times. For myself, in the beginning, I would lay in bed thinking about both how precious and insignificant life can be. During these times, it also sheds a light on how important the people around you are.

Once your bereavement days have been used, it means going back to work. This also means having less time to spend with the family and friends. Though this has always been the case even before your loved one passed away, it become a lot emptier and noticeable that you truly want more opportunities to enjoy continued experiences with those close to you. I definitely felt this way.

But how do you do find the time to spend with family and friends now? Well, it really comes down to making them a true priority. If you're similar to me, then it's easy to find excuses to not go out and see people, such as I have a lot of work to do, I'm feeling tired and don't want to leave the house, or my family/friends aren't doing anything exciting so I'll pass. Those are all cop out answers, because once you've lost a loved one, you must know how important those loved ones still around are extremely important.

Work will always be there. Give yourself a break and tell yourself you will stop working at a specific time. Then let your friends know that you will be free. If your project is extremely urgent and requires it to be done by the next day, then fine. Then give yourself a longer break the next day. But ensure you make time.

Stop being down on yourself and lazy. Today is the only day that you're going to be able to experience. Do you really want to spend it alone? If you've felt you haven't spent enough time with your friends previously, then don't. If you're feeling sleepy, then take a short nap. I'm not saying you need to stay out till the morning hours, but just take a couple of hours in the day to see your family and friends to catch up with them.

Everything is exciting. I understand each day is a struggle because of your loss. Believe me, it's a really sucky feeling. You may feel like you don't deserve to be happy. But the question is, why not? You cannot let your loved one's passing to be in vein and they wouldn't want you to be unhappy. He/she/they loved you and the greatest thing you can do for them is enjoy your time here on earth. Be responsible of course. And so if your friends are doing anything that sounds more exciting than you sitting at home sulking, then ask if you can join in. Again, be responsible.

At some point you have to return to work and during this time you realize one thing very quickly - the world moves on even though one life passes. It's a hard idea to absorb, but it's unfortunately true. However, don't let that though bog you down and do your best to overcome it.

Returning to the real world is not an easy task. Since my line of work requires me to travel often, it made it much harder for me to return to normalcy. Here are a few things I did in order to level the uphill climb I had before me a bit.

• Setting expectations. I made sure my colleagues knew of my situation. I wanted to set expectations upfront. I understand some people are concerned with being too forward, but being open to your co-workers is very important because any decent person would do their best to help rather than add to your stress levels. Depending on your client, you may want to let them know of what you are going through as well.



• Keep in touch with your family and friends. It's not the same as being with them in person, but make sure you keep communication channels open with your family and friends. I made sure I called my mom each morning to make sure she's doing okay. The conversations would only be a few minutes long, but it helped ease my mind tremendously; knowing she was alright and I was speaking with someone who could empathize with me. Sure, the conversations got fairly repetitive, but while coping with the loss of a loved one, it's just very comforting to know that there's someone else on the other end of the line who cares.



• Keep organized. This will be one of the toughest tasks. Even if you are completely anal person who needs to label their pencils, keeping organized during this time period will be quite a feat. However, you need to remember that you're still at work and need to do your best to stay on top of your game. It becomes so easy to get flustered if you've lost your abilities to keep organized. During these times, just take time away and go for a short walk or splash some water in your face.

There are many many more things your can do to cope with the loss of loved one while returning to work, but those are the top three tips I have so far. As I mentioned above, the last point has been the toughest for me. I can't help but have an overwhelming feeling to just throw my hands up in the air and shut down. Unfortunately, as I mentioned above, the world keeps moving and you need to find ways to keep moving with it.

My father, Tommy Fung Tai Au passed away last week. It was a sudden passing that none of my family members were expecting. Just yesterday was his burial service. The attendance, ceremony, and love/support shown was more than my family could've ever expected. Though everything was beautiful and I know my father would be pleased, it doesn't help lift the heavy heart I currently feel for the loss.

I created Warm Tribute Online Memorials and Memoriam to commemorate the loss of my older brother, Eddie Au. However, it is now a dual dedication to my brother Eddie as well as my father, Tommy Au. Along with a dedication, I wanted to create a place for others to express their thoughts and emotions on having lost a loved one. I believe this helps to relieve the emotional stress placed upon us who have/are going through this time of mourning.

Though I should probably be writing all my thoughts within my personal journal associated with Eddie and my dad, Tommy, I have decided to instead write articles about how I am handling this - yet another emotional time in my life. Perhaps through my words, I can not only help myself but also reach out to whomever is out there and truly help someone in need. At this point, I am hopeful that I will be able to turn my sorrow into strength for the loved ones I have lost.